The Urge to Write
I know I am not supposed to be on-line and writing this new entry of my blog. I just feel I need to write somehow and I feel the urge to write something here. I feel like I am overwhelmed with many kind of feeling…joyful, sadness, happiness, gratefulness, worry, afraid, insecure, confused, thrilled, excited…..too much emotion is overwhelming my heart now. I feel like somehow it will drained my energy to the last limit. I am thrilled and grateful that I feel God is answering my pray one by one. I feel like I am entering the healing process. It is really good that I can get over all the anger, disappointment and the sorrow of being hurt. It feels really good to be able to accept rather than asking God and wondering why this is happening to me or complaining why you did this to me. It is good to get personal peace and one by one finding great things are happening in my life. It is good to treasure my own self and what He is able to do in me. It is good to find myself can act and react amazingly different toward things. It is good to find myself is being shaped by Him somehow. I am amaze with my self and I am grateful that He let me to experience those kind of feelings. I am amaze with the way He makes me amaze with my self and I am excited with His next work in me.
I am worry that He will take the one I have been asking Him not to take, not now. Because I know I will not stand if He take that one. No…I am not that strong. I know I am not suppose to feel, think and act this way but every time in my prayer I ask Him “not this one..not this one,,,please not know,,,” but I know He has every rights and authority to take all the things since all are originally belongs to Him. Well…I do not matter, do I? I am so scared one day He will take that one from me. I am incredibly scared.
I am totally confused how I can fix things. What should I do? Am I too busy with my self and too consumed with treasuring my self that I ignored His clue considering this matter? Is this and that the right things to do? can not I just pray for it? Should I act and if I take a step a head will it be an impulsive decision? Will it fix things or make things worse? Come on, Yorina you know the answer! You just afraid and too worry to act!
I found a blog entry of a musician I like. I really like his music and I just found out he’s Christian. He’s called Owl City. This is the entry link.
Waiting for God to act is fleshly unbelief. It means that I have no faith in Him. I wait for Him to do something in me so I may trust in that. But God won’t do it, because that is not the basis of the God-and-man relationship. Man must go beyond the physical body and feelings in his covenant with God, just as God goes beyond Himself in reaching out with His covenant to man. It is a question of faith in God — a very rare thing. We only have faith in our feelings. I don’t believe God until He puts something tangible in my hand, so that I know I have it. Then I say, “Now I believe.” There is no faith exhibited in that. God says, “Look to Me, and be saved . . .” (Isaiah 45:22).
You know what to do, Yorina! Fight for it! Act for it! Things won’t get better unless you try to make it work and by His grace you will find your answer there, in the end of finish line. Things may get worse even worst but someone’s holding your hand, all you’ve got to do is TRUST and OBEY with the hope all happened for great reason, for your knowledge of Him and for His plan on you.
Okay, this is my urge of writing. Writing makes me find the idea easily. Writing makes me relived. Writing makes me keep sane. Writing makes me evaluate my mind and feelings. Writing is the remembrance of myself.