Just Some Story of Mine

Forgiveness and Being Content

I am reading this one book entitled “Calm My Anxious Heart” by Linda Dillow.

I never knew before that forgiveness is also a part of being content, that we can not be content unless we forgive people for every ‘betrayal’ they did. And unconsciously we, you and me believe that

“I could be content if I just didn’t have to relate to people!” (Calm My Anxious Heart, Linda Dillow, ebook version pp. 991)

It is indeed said that ‘When we love, we open ourselves to the possibility of hurt’.(Calm My Anxious Heart, Linda Dillow, ebook version pp. 1026) but I never ever considered what Jesus feel when He prayed at Garden of Gethsemane. Quoting from the part of the book

…He had confided in His friends, telling then His heart was at the breaking point with sorrow. He had asked them to lessen His grief by staying up with Him, and they had agreed to do so….Desiring comfort, He returned to His disciples an hour later only to find them all asleep. How could three able-bodied fishermen, who has spent many sleepless nights toiling on the Sea of Galilee, be so lacking in strength that they couldn’t keep awake with Him for one hour?……..It’s one thing to be disappointed once, but can you imagine how you’d feel if your friends continued to fail you?….What was His response? “Rise, let us go…” ….He used the word us. Even after they betrayed Him, Jesus reached out His friends…

What a story! To be honest I never see this story from this point of view, this is a new thing for me, a new understanding, a new knowledge about Him. And I am truly a shamed. How can I hold such big pride about ‘better being alone’ just because I don’t trust people, just because they ‘betrayed’ me, just because I feel better when I don’t have to relate to others? I want to be content but I refuse to accept that people can do wrong, I want to be more like Him but I refuse to love people while everything He did during His life was loving people. So, what am I? A big non-sense.



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